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What’s the difference between parents and grandparents? Boundaries.

If you’ve ever dropped your kids off at their grandparents’ house only to pick them up the next day after they’ve stayed up past their bedtime, eaten McDonald’s for every meal, and come home with a bag full of Dollar Tree toys, you know what I’m talking about! Grandparents don’t just let kids run wild, but their boundaries are more flexible, a little blurred. And that’s what makes grandparents amazing—they offer a special kind of freedom and fun that only they can give.

But as parents, our role is different. We have to set boundaries, and those boundaries are rooted in love. When our children are babies, it starts with bedtimes and routines. As toddlers, it’s about teaching them not to touch hot stoves. Fast-forward through a million stages, and suddenly the boundaries revolve around technology, friendships, dating, homework, and more.

The challenge? Our kids don’t always understand that boundaries come from love. They might see them as restrictions, or worse, as us trying to control their lives. So how do we help them see that the boundaries we set are a reflection of our love and desire to protect them?

Here are a few thoughts on how to communicate that love through boundaries:

1. Compassion

It’s easy to focus on enforcing boundaries without pausing to show empathy. But when we approach our kids with compassion, it helps them feel supported even when they’re being corrected. Proverbs 15:1 tells us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” When we approach boundary-setting with gentleness and understanding, we help our kids feel loved rather than punished.

2. Control the Situation, Not the Student

Our job as parents isn’t to control our children’s every move, but rather to create an environment where they can make safe, wise choices. This means setting boundaries that protect them physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Proverbs 22:6 reminds us to “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Setting boundaries is part of that training, but it’s about guiding, not controlling.

3. Mindset

As parents, it’s easy to assume that our teens are misbehaving just to push our buttons. But often, they’re going through their own challenges—emotional, social, or spiritual—and may not know how to express their struggles. Before reacting, take a moment to understand their mindset. Colossians 3:12 encourages us to “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” By approaching our teens with patience and understanding, we help them feel seen and heard.

4. Clear Communication

When boundaries are enforced, kids often default to thinking, “My parents are mad at me” or “They just don’t get it.” That’s why clear communication is key. Take the time to explain your intentions behind the boundaries. Let them know that you’re not trying to control them—you’re trying to protect them. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.” Make sure your communication is filled with love and encouragement, even when the message is difficult.

Partnering in Love

Every family’s boundaries look different, and that’s okay! What matters is that your boundaries are grounded in love, compassion, and the desire to see your child grow into the person God created them to be.

Have a conversation with your spouse. Talk about what boundaries are important for your family and how you can work together to enforce them in a way that your children understand. By partnering together, you can create a consistent and loving environment where your children feel safe, understood, and guided by the love of Christ.

As Hebrews 12:11 reminds us, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Boundaries might be tough in the moment, but they lead to growth, wisdom, and peace in the long run.