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What Exactly is Active Listening?
Active listening means fully engaging with the person speaking, not just passively hearing their words. It’s a skill that takes intention and practice, especially as a parent. This might be the end of the quick “uh-huh” responses we sometimes offer when we’re distracted or busy.

In youth ministry, there’s a saying that goes, “Students don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” The same is true in parenting. Your student wants to know that you care about them, their thoughts, and their feelings. Active listening is one of the best ways to show that care and build trust. When we take the time to listen, we aren’t just hearing words—we’re hearing the heart behind the conversation.

The Bible reminds us of the importance of listening well. James 1:19 says, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." As parents, when we are quick to listen, we create a safe space for our children to share their thoughts, emotions, and struggles without fear of judgment or interruption. It shows them that we’re not just there to give advice but to truly understand what’s going on in their lives.

When we actively listen, we are communicating three things to our students: I love you, I care about you, and I see you.

Practical Tips for Active Listening

Here are a few ways to develop the habit of active listening in your relationship with your student:

1. Pay Attention

Focus on your student when they’re talking. This means putting down your phone, turning off distractions, and giving them your full attention. Eye contact goes a long way in showing that you’re present in the moment. Proverbs 18:13 warns us, "To answer before listening—that is folly and shame." Don’t be quick to respond; be quick to listen and understand.

2. Withhold Judgment

Sometimes, as parents, we can be quick to judge or interrupt our children because we think we know what they’re going to say. But withholding judgment means giving them space to fully express themselves. Even if you disagree with what they’re saying, it’s important to let them finish before responding. This reflects the grace and patience we’re called to as followers of Christ. Colossians 3:12 encourages us to “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”

3. Clarify What You Hear

Once they’ve shared, ask clarifying questions. This not only helps clear up any misunderstandings but also shows that you’re really trying to understand their perspective. Jesus often asked questions to engage people deeply, even though He knew their hearts. Following His example, asking thoughtful questions allows us to guide our children with love and wisdom.

When we choose to actively listen, we’re not just offering advice or correcting behavior; we’re building a relationship rooted in love, trust, and understanding.

Creating a Listening Culture in Your Home

Actively listening to your student doesn’t mean you won’t have moments of disagreement or correction, but it does mean that your child will feel heard and valued. Over time, this opens the door for more meaningful conversations, deeper trust, and more effective guidance.

If you’re looking to improve communication in your home, consider setting aside intentional time for one-on-one conversations with your student. Whether it’s during a car ride, over dinner, or during family devotionals, these moments can become a regular practice of active listening where your child feels seen and loved.

Remember, listening is more than just hearing words—it’s an act of love that reflects God’s heart for us. Psalm 116:1-2 beautifully reminds us, “I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.” As God turns His ear to hear us, may we also turn our ears to our children, showing them that they are loved, heard, and cared for.